Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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