I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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