Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
