Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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