We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
