you're like a bully in the Christmas story
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
