K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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