i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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