I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
