I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
