Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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