Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
