living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
