I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
