Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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