no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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