mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
