i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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