so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
