Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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