You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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