The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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