I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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