Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
