OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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