I puked a lego.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
