I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
