So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
