I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
