Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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