I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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