Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
