She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
