I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i love accidental penises.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
