Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
