Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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