I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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