I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
