my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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