i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
