i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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