i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
