i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
