this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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