that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
