i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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