I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
