He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Randomize
