Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
