My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
