So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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